Oh life...

As I sit by a pool in Santa Monica, fully clothed and counting all my
new flea bites, I wonder what it is for...

I mean, I talk a big game, but the fact is, if I truly believed, 100%,
that there was no point, I would have put a bullet in my head by now.
At the same time, as that desire to "bullet" one creeps in once again,
I have to search for why not to do it because the reasons for doing it
are coming oh so easily these days...once again, oh life!

Maybe I choose to live merely based in selfish reasons...maybe I have
this grandiose view myself...like I have some "big" thing to offer the
world before I check out and since I haven't done it yet, I must go
on...

Maybe that's why I continue to sabatoge my life and get wrapped into
losing battles or situations that torture my soul...maybe I fear doing
that one thing cause then I'd have to put my money where my mouth is.
Maybe I just fear I can't do that one thing...maybe I'm an ordinary
shit head on this hampster wheel of life...

There is no point to any of this and I will be shocked if anyone
besides my brother reads this...maybe I'm just bored...

Oh...and my brother found these black business cards lying on the
streets of SM...all it said on it was this: "you're a douche."

I picked it up and held onto it...I am a douche...but I think you are
too...

Sent from my iPhone